Yesterday was a roller coaster of emotions. I started out with a good morning, bright and early with some coffee and an omelet with a nice bonus of bacon. Wonderful really since I hardly ever get eight hours of sleep AND wake up in a good mood. So of course everything seems good. I go through the motions of the day. I get ready for work, get in the car and blast some new Imagine Dragons and drive. While I’m driving I realize how hot it is and feel lucky that I have windows to roll down and cool off the inside of my car. On the way I run into a mild traffic jam where all the middle schoolers are. Somehow I had managed to forget that school started back up. Dear lord save us all.
So I get to work and go through the routine of opening the store. Really everything seems fine. Its hot outside, its nice and cold inside and I get to go home in the early afternoon. Not too bad. Then to top it off I had people who were emailing me about purchasing my stuff. A nice way to make someone happy. So of course I share this with a few close workers of mine and we all smile and go around with the joy. Not too long after that I get some strange news. Apparently there had been a "fraud" on my debit card. Remembering that I tried to place on order on an online website that morning I call the number and go through the motions of handling a voice recording. That was the first headache of the day. Once it got settled and cleaned up that mess I then moved onward to the sneezing.
Yes, sneezing. I swear to god it happens too often and it kills my insides. I also look sick when I am not and that makes customers unsure of me. Yet somehow I managed. With that I then got family news that through me for a loop and it got followed by me exploding my inner feelings to my coworkers and by doing that I also released the tension I felt so a few days. My brain was mush just as noon struck and I realized how exhausted I was from the emotions I was feeling. Mostly it was good but there was a few pot holes that came my way.
I then had the fun of explaining some good and bad things that were going on to my manager who was very nice and listened to me while I digressed about the craziness that happened. Really I am very calm but when so much happens in eight hours I get a little overwhelmed and let some bad language loose. Yes I already apologized to him but, hey I couldn’t help it with everything that was happening. I was just glad that he was calm about it and just listened to me.
So, yes there was a lot that happened and it was a long hard day but I made it somehow. Now I am off to see the event of our time. The total eclipse. Where will you be when it happens?
I don’t know what people think of themselves because it’s something that changes as we go through life. We go through hard times and that can teach us more about ourselves. Then we have good days which drive us to achieve more and make us feel like all our hard work is being rewarded. Through my short life I have gone through several stages of what I think about myself. There was a time when I thought that I was going to be with my very first Best Friend for the rest of my life. He was my savior and someone that I cherished deeply. Our entire class thought that we were "together" and even sang the K.I.S.S.I.N.G song and I remember constantly fighting with them. Even then I thought it was dumb that boys and girls couldn’t just be friends.
When he moved away I lost my best friend and my defender. I lost someone who made me feel good about the future and someone who shared a made up world with me. So I went through a weird stage of being a loner and having one best friend at a time. Don’t get me wrong I had a group of friends that I hung out with but there wasn’t much in my middle school life. I went through a hard time with fitting in and I was considered weird. I had a strange sense of style and I even had a time when my hair was all cut off and I looked like a boy. So many stories in that part of my life but, that will be for another time.
After I went through my loner stage I went through a time where I got cocky because of all the attention I got from boys. High school seemed to open doors for new friends and as my past self seems to have predicted, I made friends with mostly guys. I found them to be less drama and for me it was a nice change of pace. My girlfriends were all upset with me in some way and they didn’t see things the same way I did. Eventually I lost my girlfriends and I tried to get in a relationship. For a few years I bounced around and tried my best to make something work out. I hated high school but I wanted to be around some of the people that went there. That’s all I wanted. I wanted friendships that others had. Truthfully high school was a place where I didn’t fit in and because of that I thought of myself as a person who wasnt worth very much. My self esteem dropped to the lowest it could get.
Eventually I experienced true friendship for a bit and when it crashed and burned in my face I went through a time where I was depressed and gained weight. I out casted myself and was out casted without much of a choice. So I transitioned to hanging on to what I had left. From there I went to school less and less and eventually I got to doing just online classes. From there I lost the last two friends I had and became alone. Really the only people I had were those I worked with and they were the people that lifted me up.
Transitioning to a life where I got back in shape, let all the people go and just started taking it day by day really opened up doors for me. It made me more chill and I gained more people that were outside of my school as friends. I gained a second family, coworkers that became my friends and good work experience. I taught myself how to save money and how to travel by myself safely. Every time I venture out I learn something new and go through a new stage of my life that makes me feel calmer and more in tune with how my life is supposed to be. It even made me feel like I was worth the time and space.
As a human you go through a lot of different stages in your life. You lose people, gain people, and learn as you move forward in your life. You may go through some parts where the road is bumpy and uncomfortable but that’s how life is supposed to be. To succeed means running into difficult obstacles. To get over those obstacles you have to find a way to work it out. It may be hard but once you've accomplished that hurdle/bump you move on to the next one.
How you think of yourself and your worth is all up to you. Don't let others decide what you can and can't do. You are the only one who can change your future for better or worse.
So this is random but I wanted to put this on my page for all of you to access. So I have a few art pieces that are for sale if anyone is interested. They arent amazing but they are fun to have and if you want to put them up in your home or send them to someone then thats totally up to you. If your interested in buying some then just send me an email at email@example.com
Also I wont be offended if nobody wants them, I thought that if anyone might want something made by me (for whatever reason) that this would be a chance for you to do that. These are just a few pieces that im willing to part with and some that were just for fun. Just email me and we can talk about prices. :) Thanks you guys!
I thought I was a pretty terrible child when I was in high school. I really did a number on my dad and caused myself to get in a lot of trouble. Yet there is always someone who goes bigger then I do. See my Dad wasn’t dumb enough to leave me by myself for a few days. He knew that if he left that I would more than likely throw a party. At the stage of my life that I was at when I was sixteen....that would be a yes. I would throw a party and I would make sure to record it for the future. Every detail would be on camera somewhere. You may not see it but it would have existed.
So were talking at my work about partying and parents and then the conversation takes a turn and we get to the subject of two particular people. It came to talking about the girl at this particular point. Now I don’t know much when it comes to boys and what they thought of back in my day but man was I blown away. I won’t go into details because that’s not ok but I can say that I was pretty sure that some of it may have been over exaggerated. Very over exaggerated. Most of the time I kept my mouth shut and just listened and I honestly could care less about most things but it caught my attention and brought back some memories. So with that I want to say this.
Some actions do have consequences and the faster you learn that the better your life may be and the quicker you will learn. You can make a mistake but if you choose to do anything that leads to one then you have to face the effect the comes from your decisions. Not everything is sunshine and rainbows and you will make mistakes. Ones that will make your life a nightmare for a while and will give you trouble until you find a way out. You have to grow and learn or be eaten alive out there in the world we live in. You won’t get everything you want by relying on your parents of the rest of your life.
So enjoy being sixteen while you can because man is adulthood going ot be a kick to your sorry ass.
I was friends with someone who introduced Twenty One Pilots to me. She introduced me to their songs and told me about their story. She made it clear that Twenty One pilots was a savior to her and that she listened to them daily. So of course I gave them a shot and I quickly became part of them. I listened to their album Vessel over and over again until I lived in the songs. I would put headphones in, turn up the volume to drown out human society and play the album over and over and over again. I lived in the world of Twenty One pilots and I honestly couldn’t have asked for a better band to show up at that time in my life. When my best friend left me I got deeper and deeper into their world. They helped me heal and realize how things were. They sang their hearts out and I felt all the words they sang.
I knew their songs word for word and I honestly wanted to see them live but I didn’t know if I could after everything I went through. In 2015 I got an email about them being in Jacksonville. For VIP it was $100 and I saw that it was a big venue. They had so many artists I knew but the main one was Twenty One pilots. Without much thought to it I decided to go to their concert and see them. They were my heart and their new album Blurryface had just come out. I learned all the songs and I cherished them more and more. I wanted to be inspired and I wanted a change in me to happen. So I paid for the ticket, gassed up my car, saved my money and as nervous as I was I went to the concert.
I remember how cold it was that night that I camped out. I was freezing my ass off but I somehow managed to make it through the night. All I could think about was how excited and nervous I was. I had heard amazing things about them live and I didn’t know what to expect. Would they be the same live? Would it change me? Would I experience something that I wouldn’t forget? What would it be like?
Everything seemed to happen in a strange series of events. I remember getting up that morning and just looking around my campsite I stayed in. It was quiet, people were walking around and sipping on cups of coffee and having breakfast. I looked around unsure of how to feel. Today was the day I was seeing them live. I was going to see my heroes on stage. I packed up my car and went to the venue. I remember stepping out of my car and looking around. There were groups of people and I instantly felt like I became the quiet version of myself from fifth grade. Nerves were bubbling at the surface but I kept it to myself. I made my way to the entrance, got my VIP pass and I was in. It was crowded, people were buying all types of items. Shirts, bongs, pipes, scarves, dresses, blankets, I mean it was a happy place. Nobody was screaming or falling over like they did at warped tour. People were coming and going as people say who they wanted to see.
Most of the day I spent walking around purchasing items and by the midafternoon I had made my way to the stage. Quickly I found myself up front and to the right side of the stage. I planted myself there and watched as each act came and went. I even made friends with the people around me and had conversations with them. We talked about the people that came on stage and rated the performances. I talked with a couple who was traveling the U.S and had decided to come see Twenty One Pilots live. Eventually it came to them and I was sweating. There were people had been elbowing me and tried to take my spot but the entire time I held my ground. I was going to see it through and I was going to experience them front and center.
The lights dimmed and I remember the girl next to me looking at me with wide eyes. Im sure I looked at her the same way because I felt my heart racing. It was happening and I was here. I was going to hear and see them with my own eyes and ears. Once they started I felt like the whole world melted away. All my troubles and anxiety melted in a puddle and evaporated into the sky. They were amazing, majestic and just so powerful. Two people on stage changing my world in a single performance. They were singing, dancing, jumping around the stage, interacting with the people, and just making me so happy. I had never seen a performance so well one and I felt like my life changed in that single moment. My ex best friend didn’t matter anymore, My ex-boyfriend was gone, my life did a complete turn around and my mind just changed. I have had a few of these experiences since I have turned eighteen but seeing a band that saved you from so many bad things and bad decisions for years....well that can really turn a person around. For me it was everything I wanted and so much more.
I remember leaving the venue that night saying goodbye to the friends I made and just driving in almost complete silence. I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t know what to think. My heart was racing and I felt like my mind was turned to mush. The experience was playing in my head on repeat for days. Not many people understood the experience but for me it was a moment in my life where things were crashing and I was unsure of what I wanted. I was living with haunting memories and that turned it around for me.
I don’t know what others think about concerts or if anyone has experienced something like that but, I felt like it was a moment that I needed. I wouldn’t let go of that experience for the world.
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