For the first time in a while I got to work with Dancer. Now for those of you that don’t know or remember who Dancer is, Dancer is one of the owners of the store and this guy makes me laugh. He’s one of the very few people I know that can balance being a friend, being a husband, and managing a store while entertaining the public. I swear this guy brightens my day when he walks in. When he is working I know that I will get spontaneous times when he will bust out singing or dancing. For me just seeing him do that makes me smile and brightens my mood. He also reminds me of another person I admire very much. To me they are very similar and it’s nice to have that feeling of comfort.
So the day is a longer one. The store opens just before noon and I go through the usual routine of opening the store. There are only three of us when we open and for the first few hours we are pretty slow. Dancer comes in earlier to help us in case we get a rush. Now I can say that the day went by pretty well and yes business was slow but only for a few hours and once the sun started to go down it picked up just enough that we got to pass the time quickly.
Once it had quieted down we had a chance to talk to one another. I’m not sure where it came from or what I did to start it but he starts with....
"I don’t know how you got here, or how you heard about us, or what happened but I wanted you to know that we appreciate you being here. That your still here...."
Of course my thoughts jump around for a second. I think my fight or flight response kicked in so I responded seriously but also with a slight edge of sarcasm
"You’re not firing me or something are you?"
Now that is not the usual response people give but, I have been let go a few times and I honestly am always thinking it somewhere in the back of my mind. I’m always afraid of someone just shouting out "YOU’RE FIRED" and not having any explanation. I remember him scoffing a little.
My insides became calmed a little. Thank god. He then tells me that he just wanted to thank me.
I don’t usually get thanked for all the work I do. It’s not heard of in a lot of places and so hearing it from the owner of the store is like a blessing from God himself. It was so nice to hear and honestly I was not expecting it at all. I was just helping him out and I honestly love working for them. Everyone is wonderful and the atmosphere makes me comfortable. It’s a great place to be while I get everything ready for the next chapter in my life.
More people should be like him. Thanking your employees isn’t hard and really does make a difference to the people working for you. I know that just hearing that made me appreciate working there more and I know when I look back on the thoughts of this place that I will remember them as good ones.
This is weird to put out there but I have been fired from a few jobs. One of them really made me pissed and it was Whole Foods. I had a hard time dealing with it but after a few days of freaking out I realized that it was really dumb. It was a dumb thing to have happen and a dumb reason to fire someone. See they got mad over a yelp review and it made our coffee station look bad. The thing is, I was busy when this guy came up and he got upset because I couldn’t get to him fast enough. I was the only one manning two stations in this area and I had to make not only coffees but also juices/smoothies. It was ridiculous and people that came into this store were crazy. I have all kinds of stories to share but that’s for another time.
So because of this crazy realization of how stupid this was I decided to start this blog and start pursuing my real dream. What I like to tell people is that I got tired of having a 9-5 job that gets to say how much I am worth just by meeting me. By looks. By mannerisms, by words on a page. I work really hard and a lot of the time I didn’t get rewarded in any way. Because of this experience with Whole Foods and the realization of how much I am worth to them I came to the decision to make my own price tag and to get that started I began writing this blog. I want to do so much more, I want to experience so much more, I want to share what I learn and see with you all. In the process I want to make my own worth and I want to name my own price tag.
Sometimes we have to go through hard times to get to an end result. for me I didn’t think I would need that push until it had already happened. Yes, getting fired sucked but, that is the reality. I needed something to push me over the edge and that got to me and I am very thankful for it. Without that push I wouldn’t be here, I wouldn’t be making art, I wouldn’t be making this decisions I am.
To become better we have to lean hard lessons.
Sometimes I feel like all you really do need is a friend. A friend who understands you, someone who can share your thoughts with, and someone who will just lend an ear when you need one. For me I feel like it gets difficult to rely on somebody and its mostly because of everything that we are so caught up in and how much we do in our daily lives.
Recently it seems that I have been in more and more need when it comes to human interaction. So I reached out to someone who I love very much. I met him at my old job and we have been friends for about two years. We worked together in the same department and for me it was refreshing to have somebody mature and understanding. He has a big heart and he is such a good person. He may not always make it to your plans and he may always have something happening but, he is still an amazing human being.
So after months of going back and forth with him I finally got him to say yes to a day to hangout and make a real plan. We decided we were going to go out for a late lunch/early dinner and catch up. So I get off work and I am waiting for him. I am telling you I was nervous. I felt like I was meeting my secret love or something. Everything was a bundle of nerves.
Then the text comes and I go out into the main lobby and wait. I’m waiting for him to round the corner and for me to jump out and attack him. I want to hug him, feel how real he is. I hadn’t seen him in eight months and when we worked together we were super close. WE were always chatting, helping each other, and just giving each other advice on a daily basis. I was seeing someone who had really been there for me. So of course he rounds the corner and we make eye contact. He smiles and I run out the store so excited to see him. I couldn’t wait.
Surprised but ready he holds out his arms and I tacked/hug him. It’s been so long and I miss hugging my friends. I really do. So we hug for a minute, laugh, and when we part I see in his eyes all the emotions he’s feeling and everything he’s been through. I didn’t know too much but I knew from our small chats via texting that he had been through quite a bit. The moment passes and we make our way to dinner. Were both so excited that we don’t know where to really begin. It’s hard to choose a place in time when it feels like time has hardly passed at all.
By the time we sit down we had finally begun our conversation and it got real. We both were going through a lot these past eight months and just being able to see his emotions with my own eyes made me feel like I could see it happening. Like I could be watching a real live movie and I was just witnessing it all. I felt his pain, his sadness, his heartache but I also could feel his spirit as he was working through it and his honesty as he told me his real feelings. I felt it for sure. I don’t know if he felt the same way about me since I know that I was terrible with eye contact and probably with expressing a lot of my emotion. I just knew that I was glad that he got a chance to tell me in person what he was feeling. Not very many people are good at being honest and expressing themselves but Boo Boo is.
Once dinner was done we walked around and got some hot chocolate. I felt very at peace with him and I felt like we were back at work and just having some fun. I felt good and normal.
Sometimes all you need to lift you up in hard times is a friend to lean on and someone to really talk to. I felt like I got that and I can’t wait to see Boo Boo again. He is my tea and I love him so much. He does a lot for me and I can’t believe how disconnected I felt from him. If you can meet up with an old friend (and you two are still on good terms) I definitely would say that you should take a chance and have some dinner together, you never know what you might be missing in your life.
It’s been a couple years now but I remember when I started doing Yoga classes. One of my friends (who I also worked with) attended a Yoga class that was free on Tuesdays. It was a full hour and fifteen minutes and it was for anybody that wanted to give it a shot. So deciding that I wanted to give it a shot I attended the class. I remember walking in, getting a synopsis of what we were doing and then paying $5 for a protein shake after the workout was done. From there you went next door into this wide open space. Music was playing and people we inside stretching and just chatting with others who attended the class.
The first time I attended I ended up loving it. The challenge, the life lessons, the idea that you can send positive energy to others and receive energy back was something that really stuck with me. The instructor was amazing and she made sure that the class was for people of all levels. She gave you different ways to do a pose and made sure to interact with the people who were in her class. She didn’t just stay at the front, she would come on the floor and just pick a random spot and continue her teachings. If you were having a hard time getting into a pose she would come and help you out.
I’m sure that I looked like a crazy lady because I knew that I was lightly laughing but it wasn’t because of nerves or just to scare people, it was because I found myself getting into it. Really into it. I became obsessed with trying out the hardest poses and if I couldn’t do it then I would go down a notch.
When I left the class I felt like I had accomplished something I instantly knew that I was coming back. This instructor, the vibes, the message, all of it rang a bell with me and it stuck with me.
After seven to eight months of going to the same instructor and just enjoying that hour and fifteen minutes...the studio closed. I was so upset and it became hard to try and keep up with it at home. I tried out other classes and I just couldn’t find another instructor that made me feel the way she did.
Now, I am starting yoga back up. I’m aiming to go back to doing yoga on Tuesdays. I miss the challenge, I miss the stretching, I miss the flow of yoga. All the life lessons I learned, all the positive energy, I want that all back. I can’t wait to see what yoga will do for me and to get back in touch with myself.
Ive been doing a lot of digging when it comes to my belongings. Sometimes I like to go through things and get a scan of what I want to keep or throw out when the spring time comes. It gives me a good idea of how much I am willing to give away vs keep. It helps me to refresh myself and to start over. It makes my life simpler. But of course there are also things that I keep that I know I will never throw away.
In my room I have two designated areas where I keep those belongings. One is in a dresser that has a lock and key. The items in there are priceless and are things that I got from my family. Memorabilia that I can never replace. The other items are in a trunk in my bed and those items are things that need to be kept safe so that they don’t get damaged but are easier to access and to look at.
December in general is a rough month for me and every time it rolls around I go through my items and have a few moments where I go down memory lanes. Usually it’s with a couple drinks in me but, hey it makes more interesting when I am buzzed.
This year though I made a decision that I am very sure I am ready for. For years I have kept letters in my trunk and those letters are all hand written by me. Why? Well I have two stacks. One is letters to my ex-boyfriend and my first love. He did quite a bit to me and honestly I kept them because I thought maybe one day I could use it against him. I thought that if he saw all the feelings and the heart ache I felt that I would feel like it was more justified and that he would turn into somebody different. Obviously that is not how it works but at the time I thought it did.
The other stack is letters to my ex-girlfriend/ex best friend. Now her story is more scarring and has put me through more pain than anybody would ever want in their life. To her its not a big deal and she doesn’t remember most of it but for me, i remember every detail, every feeling, every sensation of anger, sadness, and fear. For her letters I wrote down what I was thinking, feeling, and going through. I wrote about my life, my decisions, I wrote about her, her smile, her laugh, missing her, anything that came to me I wrote it down till my hands were numb, till the tears never came, and the emotions were more manageable.
Both of these people really left their marks on me as a person and each time December comes around I end up crying and being in self-pity because of this. The emotions are so raw and difficult to manage. This year though, I didn’t feel anything towards it except nostalgia and I came to a conclusion.
I’m moving on.
Do I wish that it was sooner? Yes I do. Yet I also know that everyone goes through their own ways of handling things and for some it seems weird that I would go through all of this. That I would keep writing and never send these letters to either of them but here’s the thing. It was a way for me to vent and to get all the pent up emotion gone. For me that was what mattered and of course the new year is coming up.
So to commemorate the fact that I am now moving in a direction where I am finally getting the life I desire and doing the job I love...well I’m going to burn them. I feel like it’s finally time to burn away the words and say goodbye to the feelings I felt. To start fresh to and get another weight off my shoulders. To grow up and start letting people in again.
I finally feel like the numb person I have been is finally gone and I am able to be true to who I am.
The content on this site is provided without any warranty, express or implied. All opinions expressed on this site are those of the author and may contain errors or omissions.
All material on this site is Copyrighted by its respective authors; all rights reserved. Please contact us for permission to reprint or re-use.