I remember her so well. Beautiful black hair, brown eyes, pale skin, and a wonderful smile. She made me feel so amazing about who I was and every day I spent with her was a treat to me. We met in our Sophomore Year of high school and I honestly don’t remember when I asked her to sleepover but I know that I did. I thought she was interesting and just from a few interactions we had in class I knew that there was something there. We were both dating somebody at the time and as it turned out we were dating two guys who were also friends. Fate? Maybe, maybe not. All I know is that the connection was there the minute we told each other who we were dating. It was an instant click and after our first sleepover we were inseparable. 

I found out so much about her that I can remember the details to this day. She made my world brighter, she made me laugh, she treated me like a queen, and I treated her like my prize possession. The more we hung out and talked, the more comfortable I became with her and the more I shared. Yet she seemed pretty hesitant. I quickly learned why. Her mother was a drunk and her father was a police officer. Her Mom pretty much dictated her life and got to choose when she could do...well anything. Most of the time she came over to my place and we would let everything go. We would get in the hot tub and drink away our troubles. There was no pressure to do anything from either of us and we were both so relaxed and happy to be around one another that it became a regular thing. It even got to the point where people at school had made a fan club for us. They were cheering us on to start dating and for her it was a dream come true. For me, not so much. I didn’t have those kind of feelings for her. Now that didn’t mean that I didn’t think about it a few times but, I just didn’t see is being together. Best Friends yes. Dating, no. 

As the months ticked by I got to witness someone who was hurting. Someone who was very good at hiding their life from others. I saw her walls break down by the tiniest fraction. I learned about her sleeping problems and how insomnia was part of her. She drank to get away from problems at home and even though she had a friend she could talk to she kept it to herself. Bottled it up until she couldn’t anymore and when it was over the edge she would drink or smoke. She would lock herself up in her room or run off by going for long walks in rain or shine. So as time went on we were trying to get her away from home more. I honestly just wanted her to feel happy and safe when she was around my family. I wanted her life to have a glimpse of happiness and someone to talk to when things got bad. For me she was my partner, my ally, my Best Friend and for her it seemed that I was an escape from what was really happening. A Safe place. A happy place. 

Yet it wasn’t all it seemed to be. We were very close for two years and towards the end we ended up dating. Some say that its always a good idea to date your best friend. For me, I would have to say that I disagree. Our friendship became something more and for me it was great. I was happy. I had my best friend, an amazing woman, and someone who made me feel so amazing about my body and personality. It was what I wanted in a human being. To me it didn’t matter that we had our differences and that she had a family with problems. Everyone has problems in their life and for her it was just who she lived with. For her though it seemed that keeping other friendships was more important than making our relationship work. We kept running into problems and once we ran into one issue, we ran into a dozen more. People I wasn’t comfortable with became the center of our break up and ultimately she left me. I won’t go into details of what happened overall but I can say that it was very ugly and even now I can’t be near her. I have to walk away from her or she will try and play the cards to her favor. To get some kind of reaction out of me. To her it’s not a big deal and she claims she doesn’t remember it all. 

Maybe she blacked it out of her memory, maybe she just wants to play games, either way I remember every detail of what happened and it still makes me feel so small and useless to this day. When I see her anger comes through and when she’s finally gone again it’s just sadness. I’m sad because she is going towards a life that could lead to an abusive relationship. She will be married to him and will move away in a few months. A life of being a target of his anger and I hope that she eventually will leave him. I hope for her happiness because ultimately nobody should ever be in an abusive relationship. 

I only hope she sees it before it’s too late.