For as long as I can remember I Have been up and down on the shy levels. In Elementary school I went through a weird stage after my best friend from Kindergarten to Third grade moved away. I became a rebel, I stole items from other kids, and I was very quiet. I also didn’t make good grades and it was mostly in my classes of math and science that they fell. I quickly became an outcast of sorts. Middle school rolled around and I started having a habit of having one Best Friend a year. Someone I cherished and hung out with all the time until they stopped hanging out with me or they moved away. Either way the cycle continued and I became more and more isolated from others. I didn’t speak much in class and I had my own little social group where I told them things about my daily middle school life and they supported me until the next year came around and then they moved on. Me? I was mostly left to myself and just having one good friend at a time. High School rolled around and things got messier then ever as I went through multiple stages of unhappiness and discomfort. I went from being an outcast to being confessed to by all these guys at my school. It seemed that I suddenly became a women and they all wanted claim in some way. I went through some relationships that ended up destroying me years later and in the end it made me isolated to the point of loneliness and people that were once my friends were dropping like fly’s.
<------ (An old Middle School Best Friend and I)
After my break up with my girlfriend I went through a relapse and went back into a bad relationship with the first guy I ever fell in love with. For years he had been coming in and out of my life and for years he kept leaving me at random times. It left me feeling very small and alone in the world and it also messed up my thoughts as a women in general. Even now I’m in an awkward stage of where anything sexual is very embarrassing and almost impossible. Mainly it’s because of him. Feeling small and feeling like you belong with someone who is abusive mentally is very harsh on a human being and can make you cave in on yourself. It makes you not want to trust anybody and makes you not want to speak in most situations. It makes you on your highest guard with others and can ruin most relationships.
When I was home I got a job at one of my all-time favorite stores. I remember it all so well. I had submitted my application online and I had gotten a call to come in to check up on my application and where I was at. The minute I walked in I got asked to go in the back and do an interview. Surprised and excited I went into the back and got asked very few questions. I was so nervous I thought my heart was going to pop out of my chest. Once the interview in the back was done we walked out to the floor and I was instantly given the job. My clue? I got introduced to the staff and got told all their positions in the company. I was now hired at my all-time favorite store. What store you may ask? Earthbound Trading Company. If you haven’t been to one, you should go. Its not the same as it used to be. The company changed a lot of how they operate and sadly its not the same vibes but, it is an amazing store filled with handcrafted items for purchase and let me tell you my room is almost literally the store.
After I had met the staff, went to the Christmas party, and did my first official day on the job I quickly learned what I had to do as a sales associate for the company. The idea was to make the customer feel welcome in the store and have a conversation with them and tell them about our products. For months I struggled to adapt to the idea of putting myself out there and being a sociable person. I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it and I honestly felt so strange putting myself out there. I was also terrified of the manager that was in charge of the store and for a bit I did avoid really having conversations with her if I could help it. Everyone else seemed ok but I still felt like I was the oddball. For a bit I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to stay at this wonderful store and work for them. I was shy and I wasn’t sure if I could adapt properly.
Luckily though I stuck it out and had all my fellow coworkers help me. I slowly started to let loose and become more open to others. I told them about myself and I started to get more comfortable with the manager at the time. I wasn’t scared of her anymore and I wasn’t afraid of being let go. If anything her enthusiasm and happiness with being at work was what drove me to a new version of myself. The shyness started to go away and I started to become more a human being who wanted to do more. Someone who wanted to see the world more and be different. I wanted so much from the universe and it was all thanks to that one job. It took a while and I am not saying that I am not shy in some aspects of my life but I am more outspoken then I used to be. Without me being who I am now, I know that I would not be where I am and I know I would not be writing this post at this moment.
Being shy is ok. You may never completely develop from it but sometimes you do evolve and become who you are meant to be. Don’t be afraid to speak and to do what you want to do. Being shy is real and that’s ok but, don’t let it dictate your life. You may be missing out on the wonders that is presented to you.
