Later on that day after we did a few climbs in one section at Obed we decided to move further down the trail to another climb that we ended up just getting on due to lack of openings on other routes. This route seemed to be interesting and at first glance quite fun. So with both of us agreeing, we decided to go ahead and do the route. J Leading and I would do top rope. It was a harder climb and I just was not feeling like putting myself out there on a lead when I was already struggling earlier today. Agreeing on what our plan was we started the route and up J went. The first few clips seemed to be easy enough and he quickly made his way up. This route seemed to have sections, from the ground, that seemed straightforward and not too difficult to complete
Then J got to the fourth clip and Looked at me with this look of "oh no" and just kind of sat at his most recent clip looking at the move he had to do. On lead, it seemed scary and I honestly don't know if I could have done it. He had to go far to the right, off the route itself, to a ledge with a bunch of slack in the line, stand up and shimmy his way across the ledge to the next clip...not ideal in any way.
After some struggle, he managed to do the move but I was not thrilled about that part. I could only imagine how he felt.
Needless to say, he got the route and came down with a look that said it all. It might be fun someday but today it was not. Hopeful that maybe I would feel different I tied in and started the climb. First off the very first move was difficult. It was a pocket (for your fingers) and then a practical jump with a shady foot your not sure will stick while you literally throw your body to the top of rock hoping to grab something to pull yourself over. After a few attempts and failures I managed to make that happen and I continued onwards.
I will say that the first 2/3rd of the climb I enjoyed and I got to where J struggled and managed to finally get the move and onto the ledge. Here is where I just started to fall apart. I took a break on that wonderful ledge and then I stood up and looked over to where I was supposed to go. The mistake, the height, and looking back at my partner. My partner has caught me many times on falls and with top rope, your way safer than with lead but man was the fear real. Everything suddenly became 100X scary and my head was reeling. Taking a deep breath I shimmied across the very skinny ledge and started the rest of the climb.
The number of curse words that came out of my mouth was...well overwhelming and I swear I had to tell myself that I was almost done so many times that I lost count. I just had to keep in mind that I had to get to the top and then I could come down. Our gear was at the top and bailing was not an option. The amount of stress at the top was unreal and even though I finished the route I knew that I probably would not go that route again any time soon if at all. That day J learned my bitch side was real. He probably heard some of my profanity but I just couldn't help it. It was one of those situations where for the first time since we were climbing together I felt the fear. I felt it hard and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Climbing is dangerous, yes and I won't stop doing it.
Once on the ground and knowing I was good I took a seat, changed my shoes, and apologized. I felt bad for letting that happen and for taking some of that fear out on him. I didn't mean to and I honestly didn't think that it was ok. Luckily he understood and is a super easy person to be with and easy to get along with and understood where it was coming from.
But I mean if you ever want to see someone's bitch side just put them on a rope and put them about 60 feet in the air. It may just make that person show their true colors.
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