If there is one thing I could change about myself it would be my ability to get along in big groups. Every since I can remember I have always been the quiet one in a group of people. Sure everyone has different conversations going on and I could jump in but I always feel small in comparison to them. Not only that but after a few hours I get extremely tired and just want to go home. Socializing is something that takes the wind out of me and I really do wish I could be like other people and just stick it out like a champ.
R has a bunch of friends that he socializes with on a regular basis and a few times I began to wonder if it was ever going to end. Sometimes they get stuck on one conversation for half an hour and I really just sit back and day dream. The conversation? CrossFit. I know they all love it and I wish I could jump in on the conversation. There have even been a few times where I have wanted to join in just to understand this new lingo that I am getting to know. It's literally everywhere I look when I am with him and I love seeing the way he lights up when he talks about it but when im surrounded by four to eight people at a time that talk about it....well I get tired.
Its hard. Its really hard to be apart of something when your not actually a part of it.
Plus when you are terrible with big groups it adds an extra weight when your there. You do your best to stick it out, smile and nod at the appropriate times but there are times when I wonder if I would just be better if I slipped away. If anyone would notice. Big groups are so hard to navigate and I generally have found that I shrink down the more I am in one. I get tired, cranky and sometimes unresponsive. The only things that keep me going are drinks and those can perk me right up if I pace myself correctly. Oh how I wish I could be more into big social groups. It certainly would make my life a bit easier.
Is there something you wish you could change about yourself?
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