I’ve never really celebrated Hanukkah before. To be honest I know nothing about it and I really try my best to understand the culture and the religion. My boyfriend in turn helps me and only explains a little at a time. As I have put up here several times before I’m not exactly a religious person. I don’t think there really is any "god" in the sky. I don’t think there is someone out there who is watching us. I don’t believe someone gave up their life for our sins. I just don’t believe any of it. I believe in the cycle of life and that mother nature is a real force that does what she wants. I think that were lucky to be here and that were lucky that she hasn’t wiped us out from the face of the Earth for polluting her or for being idiots in general.
So for me religion isn’t something that I really dance around in but, I respect that my boyfriend is Jewish. I respect that he believes in the religion and that his family is a part of it as well. I won’t say that he loves the religion or is 1000% into it but he does have some belief and that’s enough for me.
As a part of his life I have been celebrating Hanukkah with him. See his family gave me this little kit that has a menorah in it and it comes with all the candles you need to light them every single night. It tells you the instructions and I learned quite a bit from the past two nights. 1) the candles have to burn all the way down and you can't blow them out or its bad juju. 2) You have to have a total of 44 candles for the whole eight days. Both of those facts I didn’t know and I was surprised to learn that. I think it’s because movies don’t really go into detail about Hanukkah and they just show that they do the prayer, light the candles, and then pass out presents. Really that’s it. They don’t really show that the candle is burning all the way down each night and they don’t really explain how many candles you actually need for the entire eight days.
Well they probably do but I don’t think I ever paid enough attention or watched movies that was based around the religion. In any case I can say that I’m glad I’m learning because honestly, I probably wouldn’t know anything at all if it weren’t for him. My dad’s dated someone that was Jewish but she didn’t really do everything that was a part of the religion. So this is new for me and I will gladly learn to respect not only him but his family as well.
Yesterday was one of those days that you just can’t let go of. For me it was an eye opener and I really think that I have learned more about myself in those twenty minutes then I have in the past year. When your under pressure and you get told some news you didn’t want to hear, things become more difficult to focus on. Getting home was an absolute daze and being home was so strange to me. To be honest, as I usually am, I know that my personality doesn’t fit a 9-5 job. I know that it’s one of those things that isn’t for everybody. It sucks. It really does because we live in a world where most jobs are 9-5. We live in a society where we have to work with being at the top of our game at all times when it comes to handling customers. You can't have bad days and if you do it shows in what you are doing while you are at your job.
Before you all jump to conclusions I wasn’t fired and I’m not going to say what happened but let’s just say that I really did have a curve ball thrown in my face.
It’s hard living in this kind of society. It’s hard being the person I am and only being able to work a 9-5 right now. I am seeking out other jobs to see what else there is. Preferably jobs where I don’t have to interact with customers and be in uniform all day. A job that fits who I am. This is one job that is close to what I want but it’s not making enough for me to live off of right now. It really is something that I enjoy and I am actively seeking to make it bigger and better but it’s not going to happen overnight and it is slowly growing.
So if anybody out there knows any jobs that I can do on the road. Or maybe wants to hire me for some photography stuff or EVEN if it is just buying my art pieces or showcasing them please let me know. I need to find an alternative because I really don’t want to be in another corner that makes me wonder just how much longer I can last in a 9-5 job life.
Thank you guys and I hope you have a wonderful day.
Last night I got to meet D's sister. She came into town to celebrate their moms birthday and I can say that the experience was a good one but also a strange one. I am an only child so for me to witness the way siblings act around one another is something that I am not used to. I grew up around families that had more than one child and more often than not I was always friends with the youngest of the group. It’s nothing new for me necessarily but it is still weird to be a part of the interaction.
Yesterday I got to take them to my favorite bar where they have the .50 wings and $2 drinks. I learned that his sister isn’t a huge wing person which made me sad because I wouldn’t have suggested the place if I knew. But she still seemed to be ok with the fact that they had a good selection of drinks and didn’t seem to mind the atmosphere of the area.
Then it happened, we were sitting at the table waiting on our food when the conversation started flying between the two. It was about everything and anything they had done together as siblings and I instantly felt like I was in need of another drink as well as a little bit of time to consume all the information that was being thrown at me.
The thing about sibling relationships that I don’t understand is the connection between them. After all I am an only child and I didn’t grow up with someone else to look to for guidance or someone to "break the parents" in as Dylan's sister said. It’s an awkward stance that you just kind of let flow since you can’t really do much but relax and let them have fun with the conversation. I learned a lot about my bf and I learned a lot about his sister. Do I still feel kind of weird meeting her and being in the middle of this sibling relationship? Yes. Of course I do but at the same time I understand that I am dating D so I have to do my best and keep moving forward and ride along with the conversations.
I just hope I get more used to it as time goes on because right now I feel weird being a part of this sibling group. Time will only tell.
And of course we had to get ice cream since it was waffle cone wednesday.
The thing about us humans is that we always have opinions. When it comes to politics, we have opinions. When we it comes to health care, we have opinions. When it comes to how to lose weight, we have opinions. All of it becomes a cycle of what we think and it’s a constant battle of who is right and who is wrong. When we don’t like what someone else says we have to throw in our two cents to try and have the last word so that it sticks longer in everyone else's brain and can maybe sway what they think.
Personally I grew up with learning politics. I grew up learning about health insurance and what a scam it is. I hear it all and over the years I have learned to just listen and not give my two cents. Why? Because when I do it usually ends in a bad manner. People don’t like it when you have facts that they didn’t know about. They don’t like the truth of the world and how it goes around. They don’t like learning that what they were taught in school is wrong or biased. People tend to think that because they threw twenty grand at someone’s feet that they are correct in what they teach you and always will be.
Sadly that’s not always true and as I continue to move along in my relationship with D I have come across a lot of unknowns when it comes to the world of politics, health care, and etc. The thing about men and opinions is that it is much harsher than women having conversations about politics. Especially when you have experience vs educational systems. It’s hard to dictate what to say in my relationship with D because I have learned that there is a small barrier when it comes to this subject. What I say doesn’t make an impact and I have learned to shut up when it comes into play.
Opinions have a way of dictating what we do, how we react and so much more. I will admit that it even puts me at a disadvantage because I honestly could give less of a **** on 90% of these subjects and yet the men in my life both have strong opinions on it. The difference is that one does research and the other just believes everything the educational system throws at him and what is in every article. Truthfully I have come at a crossroad and I have learned something new about myself and the men that I am constantly surrounded by. I hope that I can learn someday how to actually navigate this road but for now I am going to sit back and observe because truthfully that’s what I am best at. Observing.
Today is the day where we all take a moment to enjoy some time with our families. It’s a holiday where we get to sit around, eat some home cooked food and maybe have a little too much to drink while we all tell old stories. It’s a time that we will talk about in the future and for sure smile back on. Of course I think the holiday is quite funny since it is mainly about eating a **** ton and not giving a **** but, we don’t look at the little details.
For my family though it’s pretty much like every other holiday. Except we go run before we consume an unhealthy amount of carbs. It’s called the recycle fun run and it’s a three mile race that is out and back. The whole premise if to come to the race and bring a bunch of items you want to say goodbye to. So old T-shirts, awards, food, etc. All of it is acceptable and they take them gladly. If you win in your division you then get to choose a "prize" from the recycled goods that everyone brought to the run. Honestly we just go for the run and not for the prizes. We go, donate, pay the $10 and then run so that later we don’t feel as guilty about eating too much for our own good.
Today was no exception. We did the usual and of course the weather is a perfect forty degrease with overcast. To me that sings perfection. Not only do I get to be away from the sun but I also get to enjoy the run itself and run as fast as I want.
At first I wasn’t sure how I was going to do. I was a little groggy and I didn’t sleep very much due to being out till midnight (D and I saw fantastic beasts and it was amazinnnnnggggg) and having to get up at 6:30 a.m for the run itself. Needless to say I was taking some time to wake up completely but I also knew that I was ready to give it a try.
Let me say, it was amazing. Not only did I feel good but my time was a new personal record. The last mile I was flying to the finish line and I passed a total of five people in a .20 distance. Once I crossed that finish line and I looked at my watch I was completely baffled. At first I thought I was seeing things but, the time is real. It is there. The proof exists.
I’m so proud of myself and I am so happy that I was able to accomplish this goal. Running a 25:30 is an all-time best and I am so happy to see these results. The hard work does pay off, you just have to keep at it and not stop.
So from me to you I wish you guys A happy Thanksgiving. Please try to drink responsibly and be safe out there. I know not a lot of places are open but there are still crazies in this world. Enjoy the time you have with your loved ones and take lots of photos to remember it in the future and make lots of wonderful memories. I know I will.
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