I don’t know what people think of themselves because it’s something that changes as we go through life. We go through hard times and that can teach us more about ourselves. Then we have good days which drive us to achieve more and make us feel like all our hard work is being rewarded. Through my short life I have gone through several stages of what I think about myself. There was a time when I thought that I was going to be with my very first Best Friend for the rest of my life. He was my savior and someone that I cherished deeply. Our entire class thought that we were "together" and even sang the K.I.S.S.I.N.G song and I remember constantly fighting with them. Even then I thought it was dumb that boys and girls couldn’t just be friends. 

When he moved away I lost my best friend and my defender. I lost someone who made me feel good about the future and someone who shared a made up world with me. So I went through a weird stage of being a loner and having one best friend at a time. Don’t get me wrong I had a group of friends that I hung out with but there wasn’t much in my middle school life. I went through a hard time with fitting in and I was considered weird. I had a strange sense of style and I even had a time when my hair was all cut off and I looked like a boy. So many stories in that part of my life but, that will be for another time. 

After I went through my loner stage I went through a time where I got cocky because of all the attention I got from boys. High school seemed to open doors for new friends and as my past self seems to have predicted, I made friends with mostly guys. I found them to be less drama and for me it was a nice change of pace. My girlfriends were all upset with me in some way and they didn’t see things the same way I did. Eventually I lost my girlfriends and I tried to get in a relationship. For a few years I bounced around and tried my best to make something work out. I hated high school but I wanted to be around some of the people that went there. That’s all I wanted. I wanted friendships that others had. Truthfully high school was a place where I didn’t fit in and because of that I thought of myself as a person who wasnt worth very much. My self esteem dropped to the lowest it could get. 

Eventually I experienced true friendship for a bit and when it crashed and burned in my face I went through a time where I was depressed and gained weight. I out casted myself and was out casted without much of a choice. So I transitioned to hanging on to what I had left. From there I went to school less and less and eventually I got to doing just online classes. From there I lost the last two friends I had and became alone. Really the only people I had were those I worked with and they were the people that lifted me up. 

Transitioning to a life where I got back in shape, let all the people go and just started taking it day by day really opened up doors for me. It made me more chill and I gained more people that were outside of my school as friends. I gained a second family, coworkers that became my friends and good work experience. I taught myself how to save money and how to travel by myself safely. Every time I venture out I learn something new and go through a new stage of my life that makes me feel calmer and more in tune with how my life is supposed to be. It even made me feel like I was worth the time and space. 

As a human you go through a lot of different stages in your life. You lose people, gain people, and learn as you move forward in your life. You may go through some parts where the road is bumpy and uncomfortable but that’s how life is supposed to be. To succeed means running into difficult obstacles. To get over those obstacles you have to find a way to work it out. It may be hard but once you've accomplished that hurdle/bump you move on to the next one. 

How you think of yourself and your worth is all up to you. Don't let others decide what you can and can't do. You are the only one who can change your future for better or worse.