I got to stop by Nashville for a small visit. I had planned to see someone who I knew from High School. When we went to school together we were fairly close and there were times when we hung out and I felt very calm around him. I felt very welcomed and I always had a good experience around him. He became my one friend that made it out of high school. He became a rock in this crazy world. It’s strange how people become anchors to the chaos. We may not talk all the time and we may not see each other often but time and time again we bump into each other and each time I get to see him, is a time in our lives that we spent growing our relationship. 

When I got to stay in Nashville I was very happy to make this stop. It had been two years and I know there has been so much that has happened. I wanted to sit and chat with a couple of drinks. I wanted the world to melt away and just for us to have real moments where we can look back on and laugh. I wanted that so bad that I could feel it in my bones and right now I needed something to hold onto. A good memory to replay in my head until it wears and tears. 

Of course we spent a few hours together when I finally made it to the house but the next day became a hectic realization. I forgot that he was engaged. The problem with being a female is that you get treated like a piece of meat. You get pushed around a bit, you get tested, you get looks, and finally you get questioned. It probably sounds weird when I break it down like that but, the reality is that those are the way most women think. When your man has a girl that is a "friend" you automatically make assumptions or want to know what the relationship is or was. Curiosity ignites and we want answers. 

Well I decided to just let things ride out and see how she reacts to me being in his presence. I can tell you that the time I was there we didn’t chat much and it was mostly because of how I am around groups. I like one on one interaction. If I want to chat with someone and catch up after YEARS of not seeing them, I want to do it in a fashion where we can actually catch up. I want to have a drink, I want to have some space, I want to share a moment in our lives. I don’t know when I will see him again and the next time I do see him, he might be married and by then I know that it will be too late to do crazy things together and just be us. 

So Yea, I had to deal with an emotional breakdown and face the facts. I had a moment where I realized what decisions I made in high school and I also realized how out of the loop I feel at random times. I just want my friend and that moment with him. Just a moment where we can have fun and not worry about anybody else interrupting our conversation. I just want to chat for hours and get lost in the life we are in now. Nothing more, nothing less.